Missing Pieces

Did you ever near completion of a 2000-piece jigsaw puzzle, only to discover at that late stage that some of the pieces were missing? Or try to play cards with something less than 52 in the deck? Or assemble a bicycle, only to wonder where that leftover part was supposed to go? Whatever the endeavor, I'm sure you know what it feels like to realize that "something is missing."

When Debbie and I were dating, the days apart from each other (at different colleges two hours distant) cultivated a recurring sense of longing, a deep desire for togetherness. After twenty-eight years of marriage, the longing now is of a different sort. Apart for three weeks, it feels a bit like an engine missing on two cylinders, or a bicycle with a flat tire, or walking with one shoe on: it's just not quite right, not what it's supposed to be. It's not that Debbie and I are overly dependent on each other -- Debbie is one of the most independent, self-reliant women I know, and I certainly know how to take care of myself (though I don't always demonstrate that expertise). It's more an issue of balance. I just don't find my equilibrium as well when she's not around. (I suspect she would say something similar.) Certainly I still miss her in sentimental ways, but the deeper truth is that I am simply not at my best without her.

Most loving relationships have that in common. The love that is shared does more than satisfy a longing or fulfill a desire -- it enriches the personality and strengthens the heart. When me miss the love of friends and family, through distance or discord, we are somehow diminished in our capacity to live fully, weakened in our ability to enjoy. When we miss the love of God, through alienation or neglect, our spirits shrink and our courage wanes. You might experience it as a deep longing or a passionate desire, but the more seasoned among us are more likely to notice a persistent imbalance, a vague uneasiness, an annoying unfinishedness.

Blaise Pascal (my favorite philosopher) said it this way: "There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God." Nothing else works. Everything else, everyone else, comes up short.

Pay attention to that hole in your heart. It's probably trying to tell you something.

-- Brother Tom