May Day

When Debbie and I were planning our wedding, choosing the date was among the first steps. She had always wanted to get married on May 1, partially because of many positive associations with May Day celebrations from her childhood in Europe. On the other hand, my father was a pilot. A pilot's associations with the phrase "May Day" are a shade short of positive. (I could just picture myself approaching the wedding with panic echoing in my head: "May Day! May Day!" Not the image I wanted!)

We settled on March 14, primarily because I wanted to be married at least a couple of months before the Army sent us out for training in the summer, but also because I really liked how the numbers turned out. As you know, I'm a math guy, and 3/14 is like 3.14, the first digits of pi, and "pi" matches the first characters of my last name. It was also 14 months (exactly) from the day we got engaged, and we would get married at 1400 hours (2 pm for you civilians). I didn't realized it then, but as it turns out, Debbie was born exactly 3 months and 14 days after I was. I also liked the fact that in that year, March 14 fell between a Friday the 13th and the Ides of March: a good day standing between two traditionally "bad" days. It turned out to be a very good day.

But every May 1, I remember that Debbie has not always gotten what she wanted. She always wanted a daughter; we had three sons. She always wanted our children to be close to their grandparents; we live 500 miles from her parents and 2000 miles from mine. She loves to go the the beach; I love the mountains. She never wanted to be a typical preacher's wife; let's just say "she ain't typical." She rarely complains, but I know her well enough to know that her dreams haven't always come true, and that she has wrestled with disappointment on more than one occasion.

I read long ago that one of the strongest desires in a man's heart is to please his woman. (I get at least three emails a day from marketers who claim they can help me with that.) I believe there is truth in that, but also a warning. I do want to make Debbie happy, and I want to give her the life she's always dreamed of. But I've also learned that any man who makes his woman's happiness the key measure of his own worth is in for a rough ride over tough terrain. The same applies to any woman who thinks it her mission in life to make her man happy, or to any parent who believes success as a parent centers on making your children happy. As strong and beautiful as the impulse is to please each other and give each other good gifts, the truth is that none of us is worthy of being the central focus of another person's life. (Debbie understands this well, and she has helped me to understand it.)

If by chance you have been caught in the futility of constantly trying to please someone you love, only to fail repeatedly and blame yourself for all those failures, then you understand the panic in the words "May Day! May Day!" You need to eject from this flight (not necessarily the relationship) and pray your parachute opens.

If, on the other hand, you have figured out that the only one truly worthy of trying to please everyday is the One who created you, and that pleasing each other is simply a way of sharing the abundance of God's love, then you may well celebrate the bright beauty of this day, with singing and dancing if you like, as a fresh new beginning.

Welcome to the merry month of May.


-- Brother Tom